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It simply wasn't in my point of reference.I felt dirty. I felt disgusted and humiliated. My psyche was destroyed, broken down and submissive in its deep humiliation. Something in my mind was telling me that I deserved this. That this was what I was and that I had to submit to my role as a slut for men. I was a mess! My mind was a mess!Obediently and compliantly I let him lead me out of the cubicle and onto my knees in the open space next to the urinals.“Now that looks perfect. The perfect position for you. On your knees, mouth open and ready for cocks! In the men's toilet! Fuck, this can't get much better!” And then they arrived. Four more guys. Laughing, slapping each other on the back. Laughing at me. Smacking my cheeks with their cocks. Big cocks, growing harder as they took turns to slap my face with their cocks. They were calling me dirty names. It was all a blur. My mind was spinning, I couldn't think straight. I couldn't focus on anything. I couldn't even hear their words. And on and on and on. In a way I'd brought it on myself. There'd been a lot less paperwork when the department had fewer than ten employees.To top it off, Thanh Duc Fan, his brother Kim and their two non-English speaking cousins arrived in Philly and called Eric for instructions. I got on the line, gave them directions to the storage facility Eric had arranged for and then another set of instructions explaining how to get to the Spotsylvania safe house.By the time I left for the day I'd become convinced that Hell, if there was one, was neither hot nor cold but eternity spent multiplying tiny columns of barely identifiable numbers without the aid of calculators or computers.I had since returning, and I don't know why exactly, completely lost my normal cheery outlook. The world seemed much darker, less appealing, less inviting and infinitely more foreboding than I'd become accustomed to. In the past, when I'd felt that way, all I had to do was spend some time with my children and their.
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